Ex’s, how they could damage your relationship (part 2)

QUICK RANT:

Okay, so I’ve been a little bit busy, but now I’m back to business…
I just spent hours in my email inbox. Guess that’s what I get for being away for a while, F MY LIFE =/

Today, I’m going to be talking about a topic that I’ve experienced personally that a lot of people can pretty much relate to. Last time I got into the basics of ex’s, but I’ll go a little bit deeper and more concentrated on this one. It’s another part to the DREADED “ex’s” series, but let’s get into this without further delay. 😉

One Phrase – FATAL ATTRACTION.

Well, a lot of people think it’s quite the idea to have an ex as part of their support system. I mean, in some respects, I CAN sympathize with that thought. It’s a different world today though, in which most relationships are heavily involved sexually. So, you’re asking your new boyfriend or girlfriend to be cool with you using your old cutty buddy as a “confidant”.

Really?

In some cases , it can actually be a good thing, seeing as how there ARE certain individuals with good intentions. I’m not saying that every ex has bad intentions, but a majority of the time, they aren’t staying cool with you to provide guidance. From a guy’s perspective, a lot of the reasons why he hold on to our ex’s is so that we may someday be able to go back to them, given a situation where things fall through. The feeling of having an ex that still wants you emotionally and physically is quite the feeling itself, but I digress. You may have just been in a relationship, where you didn’t quite see eye to eye, so you had to part ways. If that is the case, then I could see how you would want to remain as friends with that person. Now, let’s look at it from another angle. Let’s say you were cheated on by that guy or girl, causing you to end the relationship, but they apologized to you more than Ruben Studdard and you agreed to be friends. Doesn’t that sound a bit sketchy?

There’s a distinct difference between being “great friends” and “just friends”. You may never know if that ex wants to get back with you, so that automatically makes things a bit shady for your new love. If you continue to text/IM/MySpace/Facebook, it’s not going to look good to anyone outside of your previous relationship in ANY case.

Personally, I’ve been in the situation and it didn’t end well at all. To make the story short, I thought I could be friends with one of my ex’s and found out later that she STILL had feelings for me, knowing that I was in a relationship. She had those feelings all along and played the friends role brilliantly, only to cave in to her own heart. They say it’s hard to go in the opposite direction of where heart wants to go, right? Yeah, you may agree to be “just friends,” but in a lot of today’s situations, one of you still has feelings. Let me reiterate, I’m not saying that it isn’t a good idea to be friends with your ex’s. I’m “just” saying it’s not a good idea to be GREAT friends with your ex’s in light of your new relationship and future tension it could cause, when you say, “oh that’s my ex”.

“Oh, that’s just my ex” is what you’ll hear and the key part of that sentence that you will pull out for dissection is the word “just” lol. Why would that have to be thrown in there? For the life of me, I’m trying to figure out, but only a few logical reasons are coming to mind. The intentions your ex may have, could be good, but will they look good to your current lover? It could look completely the opposite to them, I assure you.

Take for instance the song by Trey Songz, “Can’t Help But Wait,”. He’s talking about his girl running back to her ex or vice versa, but why? I’ll tell you why, because even though you may be completely secure in your relationship, the thought of the person before you ALWAYS sits in the back of your mind. It’s in human nature to think of competition and that one person before you could possibly be your biggest competitor. In all seriousness, you could have a crazy ex-boyfriend/girlfriend, which isn’t something you would want in you or your new significant other’s life.

As soon as I thought of that idea, I thought of the movie, “A thin line between love and hate”. I’ll be sharing a little bit more of my stories, the further this series goes, so hold your judgement lol. People, you don’t any situation like that arising, so just do yourself a favor and keep the talk with your ex(s) to a minimum, it might just save you a couple of couch nights and trips to the relationship counselor in the long run 😉

READ PART 1 – HERE

… Until we meet again,

– That Gentleman

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Ex’s, how they could damage your relationship (part 2)”

  1. Thank you for this. I’m currently dating a man who is determined to remain friends with his ex’s, and I’m very unhappy about it. He knows I’m unhappy but refuses to change. He has even shared personal, private info about me with one of his ex’s. He insists they are ‘just friends’ and I really don’t think he’s a cheater but I can’t tolerate their friendship. Whenever we have an argument he’s reaching out for contact with his ex’s. He’s a great guy in so many ways, and I really don’t want to break up with him, but the bottom line is I don’t want to date someone who refuses to let go of his ex’s. This issue really is tearing me apart as I am deeply in love with him. We have counselling booked for next week, please, wish me luck, this is so painful.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s