Category Archives: reality check

An Awakening..

At times I feel that we aren’t quite living every second completely.

We might live in our fantasies for minutes at a time in every single day. We may even catch ourselves just wasting away what time we have left happily walking a path we made in our minds. Maybe that was a little too blunt, but you get the drift. Many of us are in a constant search for another level of consciousness, a different perspective, an awakening of sorts.It had always felt that my mind seemed to wonder a bit too much, but I felt it was natural, a shared habit with far too many to count.

It took quite a while to change the lens that I view life through. I am truly seeing beauty in almost everything, a world full of color. It has allowed me to lighten the burdens hanging on my shoulders. You see, I seek perfection, something largely unattainable, but I yearn for it nonetheless. The experiences we have as people are all opportunities to find the positives in each situation. They are our paths to growth, though we don’t acknowledge that in the moment, it is beautiful. If there is a moment that changes the perspective in our lives, I hope that everyone finds their truths in it. Life should be experienced completely each second and the tick of every clock should be enjoyed as if that was the first stroke of color in our lives.


..Until next time


Maneuvering a curve

A little time has passed since I last wrote anything.

Okay.. maybe it has been longer than “a little time” but it’s strange that things have kept me away so long. Without further adieu, I shall get straight to the point.  It seems as though I’ve been driving on the road for a year and it has been nothing but curves that I could not see coming.  It honestly feels like I’ve seen every possible obstacle one could overcome.  Sometimes, I imagine life is really a road with a ton of curves, but of course, not everyone maneuvers a curve the same way. The curvy road I happened to be on took me to a very dark place, a place that I had not encountered to this extent. Usually, it’s a “hi and bye” sort of a situation, seeing obstacles in passing. I had always found a way to get past them pretty quickly.

..Not this time

This year is when I really harnessed my inner strength as an individual. Society has always said, “you don’t understand because you haven’t been there”, when speaking of tough situations and overcoming them. Personally, I like to give people a glimpse of the portrait and hopefully their creative process can do the rest .  Allow me to quote the Great Mike Tyson, “everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face”.

As I was pushed to the breaking point of every emotional fiber within my mind, I found that even as the curves continue to come, there is often several ways that we can make it past them safely. Hey, I understand frustration is all apart of it, but  there is much to be learned through facing those obstacles.  Fear of failure, the unknown, and incompetence can be tough pills to swallow I know. When maneuvering a curvy road, the best thing you can do is to remain calm. If you can manage to keep your cool, you allow yourself maximum opportunity for mental clarity. I will say that some people operate well within chaos, but that isn’t for everyone, to say the least. I had to understand that mistakes are opportunities, being afraid of failure does more harm than good. The unknown, a chance for us to walk into the darkness with hope of future light. Incompetence, the opportunity to become more organized every single day. Managing your emotions is easier said than done, but it can be done. Through winding down a curvy road, I found the strength and courage to go with a sense of calm and embrace the opportunity to encounter an obstacle. If it’s one thing I do know for certain, it is that you will encounter them in every facet of life.

Just don’t lose your cool.

..Until we meet again

– That Gentleman

When you fall, get up

 There comes a time in life where we all stumble…

We’re human, none of us are perfect in this world.

We may try to be, but failure is all apart of life.

Those falls are where and when we build our character, looking deep within and pull forth the strength needed to keep going.  After all, it’s not like we can just sit there and watch the world pass us by. Some wish that were the case, but we would become nothing more than an obstacle for others to walk over or go around. If you pause to think for a second, it really rings true. We sit and watch everyone go by, we’re merely making it a little bit tougher for others. The clock always ticking, the years go by quicker, and people grow in separate directions. You see, I’ve failed once in life and allowed it to torment me for a couple of years, but things do indeed happen.

We have to remember that we have the chance to pick ourselves back up, whether it’s now or two years later, but it CAN be done with a little determination.  You fall in love, we fall out of love, we fall short, and we could fall flat. In order to walk, you must first fall and realize the pain in doing so. You could walk a million miles in life, but eventually you will fall, embrace it. When it happens, take a brief look at your surroundings and get up because the clouds will continue to roll by and the sun will rise somewhere every morning. In America, it’s growing closer to that time of the season, where leaves turned brown fall slowly from their limb in the trees. The change of seasons and the growth of an individual, realize and embrace it.

… Until we meet again

When Cultures Clash!

Meeting the parents…

Doing so can really be a mixed bag.  Even more so when their culture differs from your own.  Add the fact that they’re judgmental, and you got a ticking bomb waiting to explode.

By some spur of the moment decision this woman made in her head, she thought it’d be a good idea that I met her parents.  They were coming to Indy to pick up a relative flying in from their home country.

“You’ll be the first guy I’ve ever let them meet…maybe you shouldn’t go.  Wait, do you want to go?  I’m really really nervous.”

I just told her not to worry…it’s not like I’m going spill all the beans about our sex life or pick my nose at the dinner table.  What could go wrong?

So we go to this nice restaurant in the Broad Ripple area of Indianapolis…that’s a pretty busy – but nice – area of town for those of you that don’t know.  I immediately made eye contact with her dad when we walked up and shook his hand.  Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that her mom was pretty much dissecting me with her eyes.  If looks could kill…DAMN.

We went into the restaurant to get seated, and the food comes.  My girl’s sisters are there with their boyfriends (all of whom I’ve already met previously) and her younger brother is there (who I just met that day).  I made it a point not to sit close to her parents because I really didn’t feel like getting the 21 Questions while I was trying to eat.  That could come later.

The dinner atmosphere was warm and inviting…to everyone except me.  I still couldn’t escape her mother’s gaze though…even when she WASN’T looking at me, I felt like she was.  And on top of that, I was always left out of the conversations.  Her mom and dad were all talking to everyone else, chopping it up, laughing and all that jazz…until it came to me.  When ever I would try to chime in, they would shut up.  It was very disconcerting to say the least.

After dinner, I hung back when leaving the restaurant to be close to her dad…prompting him to talk to me.  He asked me a few general questions, but outside of those, he was pretty quiet.  The family, including me and the sisters’ boyfriends, all walked back to the cars.  I tried to indirectly jump off a convo between me and her mom, but it was over before it started.  There were times when she’d just look at me until I got the hint.

So, with that, I hugged and kissed my girl (not in front of the parents…even though we grown) and went to the crib.  The next day, I got an explanation for how her parents acted.

It seems that they’re not very open to the idea of their daughters dating.  Arranged marriage is very important in their culture, but since they raised their kids in America, they’re trying to be open to the western concept of dating…but that doesn’t mean that the like it.  Another thing is that the other sisters’ boyfriends have been around longer than me, so of course they’re more receptive to them.  They are very judgmental, and maybe the tat on my neck kinda turned them off.

I understand their point of view, but I feel like it would be nice if they would actually try to get to know and shit before they write me off as some thug or whatever.  Oh well though…we got all the time in the world for me to get in good with her parents.  I just think it’s wild that mom dukes ain’t say a damn word to me besides hi and bye.  Wow.

I’m still grateful, though.  It could have been worse…at least they ain’t come right out and say “I don’t like this guy.”  At any rate, take from this what you will, and use it wisely.

-The King-

Which came first?

F good, What’s greater my readers? As one or two of ya’ll know, I’m sitting here waiting on this egg to crack so to speak. I’m a pessimist by nature. I never put all of my eggs in one basket because I’ve never seen a basket made out of Charmin and marshmallows. They all seem to be made out of cast iron, which ain’t that good for egg shells.

Enough symbolism.

I have a major distribution deal on the table for my record label. It could be a big break. It could be a set-up for disappointment. With that said, It’s time for a REALITY CHECK.

So what’s worse, a hater or a groupie? I really don’t know anymore. I decided to tell my internet family about my recent development. I wasn’t thrown off by the rapid influx of congrats and support, or the abundance of
,NT’s always shown love to me anyway; ever since I was 16 rapping “keystyles” with Kneesh from Chicago. But I was rather shocked to see how many people had only saltine things to say. I don’t know why it surprised me, after all, I am a pessimist as I said. What I want to ask my readers is this: Given the opportunity, is it more natural to support a complete stranger out of the “goodness of man”, or is it more natural to be in competition with a complete stranger seeing as we’re all under the same sun, sharing the same limited resources?

What wins out, natural or civilized behavior? We gotta get better as a people, people.

I’m not mad at my haters. Somebody has to hate and it’s not gonna be me. It might as well be you. I’d rather be the somebody winning the lotto. But that very basic instinct, that jealousy, is archaic and unnecessary. Whereas it might have given you the edge in surviving 1500 year ago, in this day and age it’s not like we’re competing to survive. Well, not in the sense that you would be affected by another man’s success in music. If I’m eating off rap, there’s more than enough food for you to fix a plate from whatever you’re good at. I’m not stepping on anybody’s opportunities, that ain’t real. That ain’t Rilla. I’m just embracing my own. It’s far too many crabs in this barrel today. Once you start climbing out of it, you’ll see for yourself

Live from LHNS, by way of Gangster Island,
Young Rilla

Mr. Governor, I swear there’s a cover up….

I was just driving through my city last night…. smoking on a white grape White Owl…. so maybe it was the munchies that put me on game… but I noticed there are actually more liquor stores in Gary, IN than food joints. Ain’t that a bitch? There isn’t 3 sit-down restaurants worth a damn inside of my 53 square blocks. There used to be a jiggy little mom-and-pop Black owned Italian joint in Miller. It was called La Dolce Vida and there used to be little slam sessions and open mic nights up there every Tuesday. Now it’s closed and the building is up for sale. That spot lasted all of a year and a half… maybe. I know rii?

My question is this: What does it say about a community where the only thriving businesses either sale Hennessey or narcotics? To me it says that when people don’t have shit else, they lose site of their priorities. I can’t even lie, I do it to. Hell, I bought that blunt with the same money that probably should have gone into my gas tank with my taking-late-night-strolls-like- gas- is-free ass. It’s almost as if you get this mentality like, “Well fuck it, if ain’t nothing else gonna go right today, I bet you I catch my buzz. Fuck it!”. Well to be honest, I’m tired of living that way. I’m tired of watching people live, and die, that way.

You don’t change your world with one HUGE action… most of the time. It’s usually done with the gradual accumulation of small baby steps, but once you look back on it…whoa.

My nigga Nas said it best:

“I switched my motto, instead of saying fuck tomorrow, that buck that bought a bottle could have struck the lotto”

It’s amazing what a little change can do. You can fill the gas tank of my car for the same cost as a 5th of Crown Royal just to put it in perspective. How many Saturday night 5ths have you killed in your life? Could you see yourself driving up a whole tank of gas in one Saturday though? How many opportunities to better yourself have you passed up because you didn’t think about the following Sunday?

Do the math. there’s 52 2-day weekends a year. Let’s say you party (drink, smoke, or whatever) on most of those days (3/4s or so). That’s 78 days out of the year, right? That’s not that much right? Remember that.

Now you’re already asleep 8 hours a day (or more if you’re lazy like me) so that’s 33% of your life being lived in a dream. Now that 78 days a year adds up to 21% of your time. BUT… remember, you can only party IF you’re awake, so really it’s taking 21% of the 66% of your total lifespan (because 33% of that time you are sleep so you’re not partying during those hours). Now I’m not a math wiz at all, but I believe that leaves you with about 52% of live left after “taxes”. That’s crazy. 48% of your life is a joke. But the shit ain’t even funny… it’s sad.

I can only lead the horse to water. I can’t make it drink think….

It’s been real,
Young Rilla live from LHNS by way of Gangster Island

On the Real…

Aye fam, everyday I wake up and wonder why some rappers never seem to keep it authentic, ya know? How many bum ass dudes are gonna waste their advance check on a chain this summer (only to have it stolen anyway…)? That’s why I’m me, Young Rilla-than-these-fuck-boys…. or just Rilla for short. I ain’t saying I’m the best rapper in the midwest. I’ll let Jewels take that claim…ha.. But what I can guarantee is that I’ll be giving you readers (and listeners) the REAL with every post from a perspective you can only gain from living 20 years in the belly of the beast. Somebody’s got to do it. I just so happen to be that somebody.

Just a few random REALITY CHECKS I wanna throw out there:

Serena Williams can get it.
Jasmine Sullivan is retarded. But talented. But still retarded..
Kobe > Lebron
Jesus was middle eastern.

And with that, I’m gonna fall back and chill for a sec…

Live from L.H.N.S. by way of Gangster Island

-Young Rilla