Tag Archives: dating

The Struggle That Shouldn’t Be

This topic, is a very touchy one, but it’s quite important to me. People just don’t seem to understand what I’m about to say, even though it’s extremely simple and straight forward.

You CANNOT change a person.

You see? Short and sweet, often ignored.
In relationships, people tend to look for what they want in a partner, only to learn that they aren’t quite what they thought them to be. I mean I understand completely, it’s always a learning process and it happens on a curve, I got it. You meet a person and you have to learn about each other and attempt to find common ground, done.

What irks me is that people tend to want to change, for better words “mold” their partners. Yes, you read correctly, MOLD. Sculptures are molded to what we want them right?

Let’s take that a step further: You meet a person and you really like what you seem, but something seems “off”, so you have to shape it according to your preferences. BINGO!

So if a lady has bad manners, you presume you can fix them by talking to her about them, right? You might even see a bad girl with a hint of potential, so you STILL talk to her, knowing that she isn’t good for you, no? Naturally, most would give a simple yes. It is not that easy though. Watch this

People change for others out of love and respect for that person.

As the old saying goes, “you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink”.

I can relate because I’ve been there and done that. It’s just a waste of time going back and forth between what you want them to be and what they actually are.

Don’t get me wrong, people DO change, they just have to want to. It’s so easy to understand, but once again, we often tend to just forget it.

Some people are open to change, others aren’t. Recognize who is and who isn’t, don’t give up, just try to understand, there could be some issues preventing your efforts.

If your efforts are in vain, it’s just water under the bridge and another lesson learned.

..Until we meet again

– That Gentleman

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Keep it REAL

You know what? Being real is so simple!!

It saves you a lot of time, drama, and headaches. I’m writing tonight because I’ve noticed that a lot of “daters” having become increasingly fake with each other. It’s almost as if people date with masks on now. I mean really, tell me how you REALLY feel.

First, you must be real with yourself before you can be real with others, it’s a fact. If you begin telling lies to yourself, you’ll just become an eventual habitual liar. For example, I’m not the biggest of guys, but I can’t go around telling myself I’m huge everyday, feel me? Sooner OR later, you’ll start to believe those lies and reality will set you back to groundzero.

It’s so much more easier to just be upfront and honest. You don’t have to make up a lie to be honest. Of course, the truth hurts sometimes, but lies expand, truths don’t. One lie could start an avalanche of lies, see John Edwards.

If you’re single, tell someone if you’re dating. If you’re with someone, don’t say you’re just dating. Truths eventually come to light.

Men if you don’t feel that you can be faithful, save yourself the busted windows and let her know. Ladies, if you’re trying to work it out with a guy, let the others know, he just may understand.

In a relationship, learn the art of staying true with yourselves and everyone else. If things aren’t alright, don’t pretend otherwise. It takes more to lie, then to address it and solve the problems. Problems are MEANT to occur, nothing will ever sail smoothly. People understand that others have flaws, it’s one of the many beauties to life. Embrace it and keep it real.

.. Until we meet again

– That Gentleman

Venting from the outside… 100K

Sup ya’ll. Its ya boy 100K.  Corey asked me to give a few thoughts on my dealings with women I meet and the mindset I approach women with. Here goes:

Well off top, I’m 23 and single. I love being single. Its only of my favorite things in the world besides music and playing Scrabble. I kid, I kid. But really, its more of a time for me to experience myself and what makes me tick. With that said, I’ll talk about my some of my personal experiences with women I’ve dated. I aint gonna be single forever so you might as well enjoy it while it lasts…

The last few women I’ve dated…the individual experiences ranged from challenging (which I respected) to downright annoying. I’ve dealt with a lot of BS in my seven years of dating: women with boyfriends wanting me, women with previous STD infections (I take sexual health extremely serious. I’m clean BTW.), past issues, you name it. I’m not gonna put ALL my business out there, but these situations were taken as growth opportunities. Here’s how I get down.

1. I look at what a woman brings to the table besides looks-in terms of assets/liabilities. Is she in school or working? Is she an alpha female? What do you enjoy about her? It may sound harsh but I’ve had to put women in the friendzone or just cut them off completely because I knew nothing good would come out of dealing with them. And when I cut a loss, I cut a loss. No Facebook, Twitter, phone calls, nothing. I’m not perfect and I have flaws, but there’s just something I don’t even bother with (ie mind games, girls already in relationships, hoes trying to be good girls, etc)

2. Treat women as individual cases. Everyone aint the same and it is unfair to categorize. That person’s issues are relative to them. And you know what they say: if you keep attracting the same type, it’s something about you. The women you date are a reflection of you, and I’ve learned that its better to stand alone with a good rep than to be with someone sharing a bad one. There was a time when I was just meeting all types of women with fucked up issues, so I fell back and redeveloped my game plan. Now, the caliber of women I usually meet are better because I’m better. I’ll go as far as to say that women feel off of your male leadership skills so get yourself right, then holla.

3. Don’t be scared to speak your piece, You should be tactful while doing this. You don’t want to be this bulldozing asshole and, ultimately, it is a female’s RIGHT to choose to be with you. But a lot of guys salt themselves out of a potential situation with a female because they don’t express their intentions upfront. If you like her, fuck it. Go for it.

4. Get a solid platonic female friend. A platonic female friend is good because they can usually tell you about the girl(s) you date and you can pick their brains about how to relate to females. You aint gonna sleep with every female you meet. I hope I’m not the first person who’s told you that either.

5. HONESTY. A female must respect you for you to even have a semblance of a functional relationship. For her to respect you, you must show that you’re worthy of it. If you don’t want a relationship, let it be known. If you wanna take it slow, same thing. A lie only has so long till it gets exposed. If you have to lie to a female for some ass, its a deficiency in YOUR game.

6. Last but not least, loyalty. If you’re single, play the game responsibly. Be honest and all. But if you’re in a committed relationship, hang up your jersey. Its not fair to her to have to deal with infidelity on your end. If that’s the case, at least have the decency to break up and then do whatever you want. I value loyalty and honestly above anything else.

It may not be what your momma told you about females, but if you’re gonna do something, might as well do it right. Its been a blast ya’ll.

Shoutouts to Corey for giving me chance to share my thoughts.

Follow me on Twitter: @The100Kshow and check out www.thoughtsof100K.blogspot.com

Empty Words in Dating

So what does the phrase “empty words in dating” mean? Hmm, allow me to break it down for you. Well, there’s a few different ways you can go with this one, dating back to the “too much communication” or “lack in communication“.

First of, when you communicate  too much, the words that you do say lose importance because they’re stockpiling in your partner’s mind. Think about it, if I have been talking all day to you and I had something IMPORTANT to say, would it really stick out? If I’m texting, calling, etc you all day then when I really do have something that needs to be heard and remember, you may have forgotten about it when it comes time to remember it.  Sometimes we get too caught up in always knowing what each other is doing that we don’t value what it actually means to be able to communicate with someone. Hypothetically let’s say you died today, would those words of love really be remembered along with the rest of the “blah blah blah” that you spouted out? Makes ya think right? Your words could be just watered down with no importance to someone, making them EMPTY all together.

We should place abig emphasis on the words that we actually do say to each other because you never know when that person could be gone. Maybe you’re the hugging – touchy feely type, or maybe you just prefer knowing that they are “there”.  Whatever your case may be, you should always want your boyfriend or girlfriend to cherish the words you say. Time and time again, you hear that phrase “I didn’t mean it,” quite the mental trip eh? You mean to tell a person that when you do say something that they have listened to, pissed or not, that you DIDN’T MEAN IT?!?! When you speak, think about what you say before you say it, realizing the possible reactions to the words you say.

Words of emptiness, broken promises, and lies… sounds bad right?  That is because people who do speak do not place a high enough emphasis on their words to actually follow through with them. I could say “oh I’m going to change,” and my girl would listen and believe it, but it could be another line among plenty others that I’ve said to her.  Like they say “practice what you preach” and “if you say you’re going to do it, DO it”.  It’s always funny to reflect on common sayings and think, “well I’m really not practicing what I preach” lol.  If you’re going to say something to a person, mean it completely, not just half assed. If you’re listening to someone, take their words to meaning and call them out on it if they don’t “practice what they preach”. It is one of those things that you MUST do in order to progress the communication in the relationship/interaction, and we have always seen what a unstable basis of communication between two people can result in.

Personally, I place words on a higher level of importance because I am one of those people who has regretted not saying enough at some point in my life. Once, there was a time where loved ones would be anxiously awaiting a letter, a postcard, something composed of words that could describe a feeling of love. Today, we just wait on that “I love you” text, knowing that what we say in a text is quite possibly something that we can’t even say in person. How ridiculous is that? You can say it on an instant message, a Facebook/Myspace, but can’t fathom putting the words together in person. That’s about where relationships and daily interaction has progressed to. It has led to a reduction in communication as a whole, leaving me and many others with a sad feeling inside because people don’t know how to express themselves through voice, something I’ll discuss at length at the next appointed time.

Well, I guess that was my rant for today, hope you actually got something out of it..Until we meet again

-That Gentleman

When Cultures Clash!

Meeting the parents…

Doing so can really be a mixed bag.  Even more so when their culture differs from your own.  Add the fact that they’re judgmental, and you got a ticking bomb waiting to explode.

By some spur of the moment decision this woman made in her head, she thought it’d be a good idea that I met her parents.  They were coming to Indy to pick up a relative flying in from their home country.

“You’ll be the first guy I’ve ever let them meet…maybe you shouldn’t go.  Wait, do you want to go?  I’m really really nervous.”

I just told her not to worry…it’s not like I’m going spill all the beans about our sex life or pick my nose at the dinner table.  What could go wrong?

So we go to this nice restaurant in the Broad Ripple area of Indianapolis…that’s a pretty busy – but nice – area of town for those of you that don’t know.  I immediately made eye contact with her dad when we walked up and shook his hand.  Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that her mom was pretty much dissecting me with her eyes.  If looks could kill…DAMN.

We went into the restaurant to get seated, and the food comes.  My girl’s sisters are there with their boyfriends (all of whom I’ve already met previously) and her younger brother is there (who I just met that day).  I made it a point not to sit close to her parents because I really didn’t feel like getting the 21 Questions while I was trying to eat.  That could come later.

The dinner atmosphere was warm and inviting…to everyone except me.  I still couldn’t escape her mother’s gaze though…even when she WASN’T looking at me, I felt like she was.  And on top of that, I was always left out of the conversations.  Her mom and dad were all talking to everyone else, chopping it up, laughing and all that jazz…until it came to me.  When ever I would try to chime in, they would shut up.  It was very disconcerting to say the least.

After dinner, I hung back when leaving the restaurant to be close to her dad…prompting him to talk to me.  He asked me a few general questions, but outside of those, he was pretty quiet.  The family, including me and the sisters’ boyfriends, all walked back to the cars.  I tried to indirectly jump off a convo between me and her mom, but it was over before it started.  There were times when she’d just look at me until I got the hint.

So, with that, I hugged and kissed my girl (not in front of the parents…even though we grown) and went to the crib.  The next day, I got an explanation for how her parents acted.

It seems that they’re not very open to the idea of their daughters dating.  Arranged marriage is very important in their culture, but since they raised their kids in America, they’re trying to be open to the western concept of dating…but that doesn’t mean that the like it.  Another thing is that the other sisters’ boyfriends have been around longer than me, so of course they’re more receptive to them.  They are very judgmental, and maybe the tat on my neck kinda turned them off.

I understand their point of view, but I feel like it would be nice if they would actually try to get to know and shit before they write me off as some thug or whatever.  Oh well though…we got all the time in the world for me to get in good with her parents.  I just think it’s wild that mom dukes ain’t say a damn word to me besides hi and bye.  Wow.

I’m still grateful, though.  It could have been worse…at least they ain’t come right out and say “I don’t like this guy.”  At any rate, take from this what you will, and use it wisely.

-The King-

Lack of Communication In Dating

What’s up people, That Gentleman checking in once again to get a tiny rant off, well BIG rant off my chest. So, as I sit here listening to music, I’m just thinking about all of the relationships where communication is little to nonexistent. Too often, you see relationships that could be mended or ended mutually with the help of a LITTLE communication, but that’s SO above people these days because they, “can have another you in a minute”. That’s a terrible line in the first place because it shows how much importance someone puts on their relationship, but i DIGRESS. Many relationships include people that have no clue as to where their significant other is emotionally and it’s quite evident by their actions, only furthering the problem. When people look back on relationships, they always say, “I wish I would’ve told them how I felt”, “I wish I could’ve said this (or that)”.. Communication, once again.

My own personal story has many stops in it and the reason I kept it moving at each one of those stops was because of that “lack in communication”, part of it even on my part. Yeah, I can give advice, but I can’t take my own, the usual irony.. right?

People in today’s society are so engaged in the physical part of a relationship, that it becomes the basis for their emotions and communication as a whole. Sex can be very detrimental to a relationship, but it can also be beneficial, IF in moderation… Isn’t it funny how in so many relationships, they can have great sex, but can’t speak openly about their emotions or even sex with each other?! SMH Today, sex is so over-abused that it’s second nature to have sex then talk after haha, sounds usual right? But why does that seem so normal? That’s because it has become socially acceptable to basically start a relationship based off a sexual encounter and I believe it is quite the tale of how our common male-female reactions work.Now I’m not saying that you can’t enjoy sex, but if you sex then talk, you’re going be bored out of your mind because you’re moving in reverse..and a car always moves slower in reverse. You can’t expect to have great sex and then have great convo, that only happens in our “perfect world”, but if you have great convo, then great sex, then you really have something. Once again I’ll reiterate this, SEX iS A BONUS, NOT A BASIS.

Men believe that there aren’t any good women out there, who aren’t whorish,kind of like an urban myth.. And women believe that there aren’t any good men out there who won’t treat them like another usual jumpoff or even be fun to kick it with. Funny but sad at the same time because there is hope out there, it’s just not readily seen, due to that “lack in communication”.

You want him to listen and he wants you to listen, but there’s one problem, you both aren’t voicing yourselves as you should be. Maybe you should take the time to sit and have a thorough conversation, just maybe. You may have been in a relationship and it ended suddenly off one misunderstanding, or it may not even have gotten there yet before it all came crashing down and your little bubble of love, burst right before your eyes. We must learn to listen to on a deeper level, not just hearing “blah blah blah,” but the actual words that are spoken the fragile place, known as the heart.

So you think I’m saying that the answer to all your problems is communication, haha you and I can only wish, but it IS a beginning I assure you. I have plenty more to say, but I don’t wanna be too lengthy so stay tuned. We all have a lot to learn and there’s no instructions, only a script, write your own story.

The problem with communication … is the illusion that it has been accomplished.

– That Gentleman