When Cultures Clash!

Meeting the parents…

Doing so can really be a mixed bag.  Even more so when their culture differs from your own.  Add the fact that they’re judgmental, and you got a ticking bomb waiting to explode.

By some spur of the moment decision this woman made in her head, she thought it’d be a good idea that I met her parents.  They were coming to Indy to pick up a relative flying in from their home country.

“You’ll be the first guy I’ve ever let them meet…maybe you shouldn’t go.  Wait, do you want to go?  I’m really really nervous.”

I just told her not to worry…it’s not like I’m going spill all the beans about our sex life or pick my nose at the dinner table.  What could go wrong?

So we go to this nice restaurant in the Broad Ripple area of Indianapolis…that’s a pretty busy – but nice – area of town for those of you that don’t know.  I immediately made eye contact with her dad when we walked up and shook his hand.  Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that her mom was pretty much dissecting me with her eyes.  If looks could kill…DAMN.

We went into the restaurant to get seated, and the food comes.  My girl’s sisters are there with their boyfriends (all of whom I’ve already met previously) and her younger brother is there (who I just met that day).  I made it a point not to sit close to her parents because I really didn’t feel like getting the 21 Questions while I was trying to eat.  That could come later.

The dinner atmosphere was warm and inviting…to everyone except me.  I still couldn’t escape her mother’s gaze though…even when she WASN’T looking at me, I felt like she was.  And on top of that, I was always left out of the conversations.  Her mom and dad were all talking to everyone else, chopping it up, laughing and all that jazz…until it came to me.  When ever I would try to chime in, they would shut up.  It was very disconcerting to say the least.

After dinner, I hung back when leaving the restaurant to be close to her dad…prompting him to talk to me.  He asked me a few general questions, but outside of those, he was pretty quiet.  The family, including me and the sisters’ boyfriends, all walked back to the cars.  I tried to indirectly jump off a convo between me and her mom, but it was over before it started.  There were times when she’d just look at me until I got the hint.

So, with that, I hugged and kissed my girl (not in front of the parents…even though we grown) and went to the crib.  The next day, I got an explanation for how her parents acted.

It seems that they’re not very open to the idea of their daughters dating.  Arranged marriage is very important in their culture, but since they raised their kids in America, they’re trying to be open to the western concept of dating…but that doesn’t mean that the like it.  Another thing is that the other sisters’ boyfriends have been around longer than me, so of course they’re more receptive to them.  They are very judgmental, and maybe the tat on my neck kinda turned them off.

I understand their point of view, but I feel like it would be nice if they would actually try to get to know and shit before they write me off as some thug or whatever.  Oh well though…we got all the time in the world for me to get in good with her parents.  I just think it’s wild that mom dukes ain’t say a damn word to me besides hi and bye.  Wow.

I’m still grateful, though.  It could have been worse…at least they ain’t come right out and say “I don’t like this guy.”  At any rate, take from this what you will, and use it wisely.

-The King-

Lack of Communication In Dating

What’s up people, That Gentleman checking in once again to get a tiny rant off, well BIG rant off my chest. So, as I sit here listening to music, I’m just thinking about all of the relationships where communication is little to nonexistent. Too often, you see relationships that could be mended or ended mutually with the help of a LITTLE communication, but that’s SO above people these days because they, “can have another you in a minute”. That’s a terrible line in the first place because it shows how much importance someone puts on their relationship, but i DIGRESS. Many relationships include people that have no clue as to where their significant other is emotionally and it’s quite evident by their actions, only furthering the problem. When people look back on relationships, they always say, “I wish I would’ve told them how I felt”, “I wish I could’ve said this (or that)”.. Communication, once again.

My own personal story has many stops in it and the reason I kept it moving at each one of those stops was because of that “lack in communication”, part of it even on my part. Yeah, I can give advice, but I can’t take my own, the usual irony.. right?

People in today’s society are so engaged in the physical part of a relationship, that it becomes the basis for their emotions and communication as a whole. Sex can be very detrimental to a relationship, but it can also be beneficial, IF in moderation… Isn’t it funny how in so many relationships, they can have great sex, but can’t speak openly about their emotions or even sex with each other?! SMH Today, sex is so over-abused that it’s second nature to have sex then talk after haha, sounds usual right? But why does that seem so normal? That’s because it has become socially acceptable to basically start a relationship based off a sexual encounter and I believe it is quite the tale of how our common male-female reactions work.Now I’m not saying that you can’t enjoy sex, but if you sex then talk, you’re going be bored out of your mind because you’re moving in reverse..and a car always moves slower in reverse. You can’t expect to have great sex and then have great convo, that only happens in our “perfect world”, but if you have great convo, then great sex, then you really have something. Once again I’ll reiterate this, SEX iS A BONUS, NOT A BASIS.

Men believe that there aren’t any good women out there, who aren’t whorish,kind of like an urban myth.. And women believe that there aren’t any good men out there who won’t treat them like another usual jumpoff or even be fun to kick it with. Funny but sad at the same time because there is hope out there, it’s just not readily seen, due to that “lack in communication”.

You want him to listen and he wants you to listen, but there’s one problem, you both aren’t voicing yourselves as you should be. Maybe you should take the time to sit and have a thorough conversation, just maybe. You may have been in a relationship and it ended suddenly off one misunderstanding, or it may not even have gotten there yet before it all came crashing down and your little bubble of love, burst right before your eyes. We must learn to listen to on a deeper level, not just hearing “blah blah blah,” but the actual words that are spoken the fragile place, known as the heart.

So you think I’m saying that the answer to all your problems is communication, haha you and I can only wish, but it IS a beginning I assure you. I have plenty more to say, but I don’t wanna be too lengthy so stay tuned. We all have a lot to learn and there’s no instructions, only a script, write your own story.

The problem with communication … is the illusion that it has been accomplished.

– That Gentleman