Tag Archives: relationships

The Struggle That Shouldn’t Be

This topic, is a very touchy one, but it’s quite important to me. People just don’t seem to understand what I’m about to say, even though it’s extremely simple and straight forward.

You CANNOT change a person.

You see? Short and sweet, often ignored.
In relationships, people tend to look for what they want in a partner, only to learn that they aren’t quite what they thought them to be. I mean I understand completely, it’s always a learning process and it happens on a curve, I got it. You meet a person and you have to learn about each other and attempt to find common ground, done.

What irks me is that people tend to want to change, for better words “mold” their partners. Yes, you read correctly, MOLD. Sculptures are molded to what we want them right?

Let’s take that a step further: You meet a person and you really like what you seem, but something seems “off”, so you have to shape it according to your preferences. BINGO!

So if a lady has bad manners, you presume you can fix them by talking to her about them, right? You might even see a bad girl with a hint of potential, so you STILL talk to her, knowing that she isn’t good for you, no? Naturally, most would give a simple yes. It is not that easy though. Watch this

People change for others out of love and respect for that person.

As the old saying goes, “you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink”.

I can relate because I’ve been there and done that. It’s just a waste of time going back and forth between what you want them to be and what they actually are.

Don’t get me wrong, people DO change, they just have to want to. It’s so easy to understand, but once again, we often tend to just forget it.

Some people are open to change, others aren’t. Recognize who is and who isn’t, don’t give up, just try to understand, there could be some issues preventing your efforts.

If your efforts are in vain, it’s just water under the bridge and another lesson learned.

..Until we meet again

– That Gentleman

Keep it REAL

You know what? Being real is so simple!!

It saves you a lot of time, drama, and headaches. I’m writing tonight because I’ve noticed that a lot of “daters” having become increasingly fake with each other. It’s almost as if people date with masks on now. I mean really, tell me how you REALLY feel.

First, you must be real with yourself before you can be real with others, it’s a fact. If you begin telling lies to yourself, you’ll just become an eventual habitual liar. For example, I’m not the biggest of guys, but I can’t go around telling myself I’m huge everyday, feel me? Sooner OR later, you’ll start to believe those lies and reality will set you back to groundzero.

It’s so much more easier to just be upfront and honest. You don’t have to make up a lie to be honest. Of course, the truth hurts sometimes, but lies expand, truths don’t. One lie could start an avalanche of lies, see John Edwards.

If you’re single, tell someone if you’re dating. If you’re with someone, don’t say you’re just dating. Truths eventually come to light.

Men if you don’t feel that you can be faithful, save yourself the busted windows and let her know. Ladies, if you’re trying to work it out with a guy, let the others know, he just may understand.

In a relationship, learn the art of staying true with yourselves and everyone else. If things aren’t alright, don’t pretend otherwise. It takes more to lie, then to address it and solve the problems. Problems are MEANT to occur, nothing will ever sail smoothly. People understand that others have flaws, it’s one of the many beauties to life. Embrace it and keep it real.

.. Until we meet again

– That Gentleman

Cuff Season, the unspoken season.

You see it, but you’re scared to travel down the cold path alone.

An introduction to that time of the month…well, I mean “time of the year”

I bet you’re wondering what “Cuff Season” is, but it’s quite simple. We are currently a couple of weeks into it and the craze that it brings,it is quite hilarious. Give me some time to explain and I’ll have you understanding the comedy as well haha.

You know the time of the year where it gets cold and cuddling begins to increase at a rapid rate?  – That’s only the beginning of cuff season.

Hormones are raging and people are wanting someone to call their own for the holidays. I was talking with a couple of my guys and made the statement, “people sure do go crazy over Christmas presents”. So what are YOU getting that loved one for the holidays? See, funny stuff.

  It’s quite understood that people want someone to care about them during the holidays, but if you REALLY just look and think about it, it never fails.  Take a seat in a Starbucks or walk around a crowded area, people are talking about wanting to be in a relationship and seeing all THEIR friends in relationships.

If you don’t catch yourself, you’ll get caught up in it too, but there’s always a time and place for everything. Don’t do it, RECONSIDER. Cuff Season does indeed have an ending period, where the spring/summer creeps up and people are going haywire just to get out and party again. The chains and leashes tend to loosen and fall off. People just have a tendency to want to have their options open, allowing them to be “single and ready to mingle”.  Think about it for a second.

Cuff season goes along the same lines as the flu, it’s airborne(word of mouth) and it’s contagious.  Personally, I’ve heard the “I want a boyfriend” statement so many times already and we haven’t gotten completely into the winter months yet. Everytime, I can only just give a brief sigh and continue to stay out the Black Friday-like chaos.

I’ve chosen to not even touch Cuff Season this year because all together, it’s one BIG headache. If you did indeed get a loved one this Cuff Season, I tip my hat to you because it could’ve been a relationship in the works. If you got a loved this season because you saw others doing it and felt alone, shame on you, REALLY.  As the ice melts away and the flowers begin to bloom, the egos of those who were in relationships/flings seem to get a great boost and they feel rejuvenated for the upcoming months. Cuff Season does not offer immunity shots or any remedies except for sad love songs and quick pick-me-up’s. While people are rushing to get their holiday plans in gear and purchase gifts, others are scheming on how they’ll attract someone for the holidays.  Two sides of the spectrum that seem to collide at an intersection of sorts.

Women take it a bit more serious than others and become completely upset about it, but I understand, trust me. It’s just something that’s natural and more often than not, unnoticed.  Continue on with your normally scheduled companionship rituals, just remember that it’s Cuff Season and it DOES have an end to it.

I know, I know, you knew about it all along..but I did say it was unspoken, right?

.. Until we meet again

– That Gentleman

.. Crossing over the thin line

There’s this thin line between love and hate, the border between insanity and sanity, which leads me to believe that there’s truly NO in between.

In this mild rant(organized chaos), I’m going to speak on a lot if issues and try to connect them all under one broad theme, “the thin line”.

Before I dive into this broad subject-matter, do not be offended if it does not pertain to you.

Women,  can’t live with them, can’t live without them, which is unfortunately the reality of the situation.  Men, well we’re stuck attempting to find the balance between that insanity and insanity, puzzled as to how to deal with it.

Every individual is made differently, but there are certain instances where we do fall into generalities.  Often,  we find that we get disturbed by individual flaws(granted, it’s how you perceive them).   A large majority of our generation seems to not embrace that individuality, which makes us stand out. I’ll allow myself, for this instance, to speak on the matter of women not embracing it.

I’ve been quite puzzled as to why ladies are so concerned with others that they forget who they are.  There’s a thin line between wanting to appreciate others and loving yourself.  We, as people, cannot expect others to fulfill the love that we SHOULD have for the person we see in the mirror. The increasing insecurity theme with women is in large part due to the sex crazed generation we have now.  I understand the faults of a lot of males these days in their lost touch with the idea that is chivalry.

Brief statement – Jealousy is not love.

Jealousy will not earn you anymore respect than insecurity will.

Back to what I was saying…

Many men and women are now judged by appearance, in some cases, rightfully so. By that judgement, those who do indeed judge, we are already moving entirely too quick. The idea of getting to know a person before you make a commitment has become close to extinct. Please excuse me for interjecting my own own experiences as I speak to you.

I’ve talked with ladies who felt as though me “getting to know them” was far too slow, so to speak. I had to ask myself whether it was right for me to even slow things down in the first place. After long thought, it was in my better judgement to do so. It seems as though today relationships just move extremely too quickly from the beginning, which leads to quicker failure.  I really would love see everyone’s point as to why there should be a balance of speed, but if you happened to read my blog before, you’d notice that I firmly believe that there is a severe lack of communication.  My instincts tell me to not speak with females in the sense that I’m attempting tto become their lifetime companion, but that’s just my instinct.. at the moment.

Reality does teach many lessons, day to day, and we must take from the knowledge of those days past. Understanding the problems that we face today are not as complicated as most would think, they just are not being approached correctly. So, for me to consistently come upon women who are in themselves insecure, just seems like a daily routine. Personally,  I believe that insecurity is far too vast and far too unattractive. Men are quite a bit more simple. We do have emotions, yet we often hide them behind our egos. The physical requirement in a relationship seems to overshadow the feelings that we actually have. Just being frank, it’s become too easy to gain that physical touch as compared to gaining entrance to the emotions of a love/friendship interest.

I’ll leave it at that, for now

..Until we meet again

– That Gentleman

Another rant? Touche

Bad guys or good guys?

 

Being around them too much

 

Seems as though that as soon as you get out of high school, life just flies by. They never said it’d be fair, but damn, can we at least go the speed limit?

You know how every damn city to itty bitty community in America has a speed limit or an unspoken one, but what is life’s speed limit? Think about it once again, life TRULY has no script. They don’t hand you one when you’re born or when you become of age, you must create your own, but God DOES look at your script when it’s over right? Just a little food for thought, to be elaborated on at another time.

Isn’t it so mind-boggling how some see success at a younger age and others at an older age? We take a look at those few who did receive success earlier in life, then we take a glance at the economy, and its like how does one achieve success at a time like this?! It’s hard to be optimistic at a time like this when you could actually graduate with a college degree, and still not be able to find employment. After seeing the shambles that is our less than opportunistic economy, you have to think about the effect it could have on relationships and the pursuit of relationships. Many at this point in life, are possibly strugging to stay above water and want someone who they can depend on to keep their spirits up. I mean you really can’t blame anyone for wanting to find someone who has a plan to become financially stable, but at the samme time, you must make sure that person in genuine and the mutual wants for your own and their success.

I do understand that it is indeed tough, realizing that everyday there is an increase of relationships started, which aren’t legit. What I mean by not being legit, is that that they wre started for all the wrong reasons and are not functioning as a true relationship should. Personally, I would want someone who is ambitious and goal oriented as well, but I do want someone who I know will be there for me at the lowest points and highest points in my life. The best act of kindness or support many of us could do for one another, is not something that is readily seen as, “oh I should just do this”. It just so happens to be a small act known as, encouragement. It’s extremely tough right? Haha! The friends and family that we have can give you some of the most inspiring words of encouragement, look to them for guidance because often, it’s easier for us to listen to others than take our own advice. People who view things from an outside perspective, more than likely can tell you more about yourself than you could. With your relationships and relationship pursuits, remember that in times like these, we must continue to have that patience and realize that “good things comme to those who wait”.

The smallest act of kinddness could make a person’s day that much better and I can definitely attest. I might hear someone tell me, “you can do it, I know it,” and I might be energized off of that for a good while. For those special to you, the phrase “I love you” can more than do the trick and it couldd make you feel better. One thing that we must always remember is that tomomrrow is never promised and I couldd never stress it enough, so I hope to have left you with some good and positive thoughts. 😉

 

…Until we meet again

– That Gentleman

 

Empty Words in Dating

So what does the phrase “empty words in dating” mean? Hmm, allow me to break it down for you. Well, there’s a few different ways you can go with this one, dating back to the “too much communication” or “lack in communication“.

First of, when you communicate  too much, the words that you do say lose importance because they’re stockpiling in your partner’s mind. Think about it, if I have been talking all day to you and I had something IMPORTANT to say, would it really stick out? If I’m texting, calling, etc you all day then when I really do have something that needs to be heard and remember, you may have forgotten about it when it comes time to remember it.  Sometimes we get too caught up in always knowing what each other is doing that we don’t value what it actually means to be able to communicate with someone. Hypothetically let’s say you died today, would those words of love really be remembered along with the rest of the “blah blah blah” that you spouted out? Makes ya think right? Your words could be just watered down with no importance to someone, making them EMPTY all together.

We should place abig emphasis on the words that we actually do say to each other because you never know when that person could be gone. Maybe you’re the hugging – touchy feely type, or maybe you just prefer knowing that they are “there”.  Whatever your case may be, you should always want your boyfriend or girlfriend to cherish the words you say. Time and time again, you hear that phrase “I didn’t mean it,” quite the mental trip eh? You mean to tell a person that when you do say something that they have listened to, pissed or not, that you DIDN’T MEAN IT?!?! When you speak, think about what you say before you say it, realizing the possible reactions to the words you say.

Words of emptiness, broken promises, and lies… sounds bad right?  That is because people who do speak do not place a high enough emphasis on their words to actually follow through with them. I could say “oh I’m going to change,” and my girl would listen and believe it, but it could be another line among plenty others that I’ve said to her.  Like they say “practice what you preach” and “if you say you’re going to do it, DO it”.  It’s always funny to reflect on common sayings and think, “well I’m really not practicing what I preach” lol.  If you’re going to say something to a person, mean it completely, not just half assed. If you’re listening to someone, take their words to meaning and call them out on it if they don’t “practice what they preach”. It is one of those things that you MUST do in order to progress the communication in the relationship/interaction, and we have always seen what a unstable basis of communication between two people can result in.

Personally, I place words on a higher level of importance because I am one of those people who has regretted not saying enough at some point in my life. Once, there was a time where loved ones would be anxiously awaiting a letter, a postcard, something composed of words that could describe a feeling of love. Today, we just wait on that “I love you” text, knowing that what we say in a text is quite possibly something that we can’t even say in person. How ridiculous is that? You can say it on an instant message, a Facebook/Myspace, but can’t fathom putting the words together in person. That’s about where relationships and daily interaction has progressed to. It has led to a reduction in communication as a whole, leaving me and many others with a sad feeling inside because people don’t know how to express themselves through voice, something I’ll discuss at length at the next appointed time.

Well, I guess that was my rant for today, hope you actually got something out of it..Until we meet again

-That Gentleman